It feels like everything in the world is now locked into its grooves. Nothing I write here can attract any more readers than the handful regulars I’ve had for twenty years. The powerful have consolidated their power and they sure as hell don’t tolerate sexuality. When I once reached 1500 followers on Twitter I was already too big for the establishment and decisively beat down. All political activism is futile if not on side with one of the dominant ideologies who may well clash in epic battles these days, say between Jews and Muslims for example. The world is locked in grooves, but it is never permanent.
Sexual liberation is on nobody’s radar unless you mean the utterly superficial things going under the Pride banner. Nonetheless, the only thing I can do is to keep writing. Because I have failed to find a “proper” role in society. I am always and forever doing what I am “not supposed to do.” I fit neither a “job” role nor a “disabled” role where they say “that’s okay we’ll just give you money to live,” and neither do I get private donations as might have come with a substantial movement. From month to month I have to beg the state for sustenance. I failed at a career and I failed at being a failure (which wouldn’t be a failure but one of those respectable roles). Every single thing I do or sincerely stand for is hated by the majority. Nothing gains traction, nothing flies. Universal basic income would suit me, but does not exist.
While government roles are created by force, a “job” in private business consists of someone else exploiting your labor so they can make money. Neither is the selfless thing it is made out to be. In theory, if your labor is worth something you can work for yourself. I have tried that too, but nothing I offered was worth something, or if it was it was quickly shut down by regulation. Bitcoin trading is the only business I mastered to the extent that others found my services worth paying for enough that I could make a living, but as soon as I was in that position the government instituted licensing requirements that I couldn’t possibly meet. Then I made a technically great dating site called
Fertile Dating, but nobody wanted to use it or invest in it in order that we could market ourselves.
I have been listening to Alan Watts a lot lately. I am neither depressed nor derealized psychologically, but I realize life is a game the way he gives the game away, which is a sort of philosophical derealization and depersonalization which one can then enjoy like a triviality. Life isn’t serious, but the first rule of the game of life is to pretend it’s serious. While I also don’t religiously seek a state of nirvana, I can slip into that cosmic consciousness easily enough. I can feel one with the universe to where the kind of opposition which I constitute is needed for the others to define themselves, and therefore I am not ultimately out of place after all. There must be losers for winners to exist, death is a contrast needed in order to know we are alive, and so on. The worker bees would not know they are hard-working without slackers to compare themselves to. I wouldn’t even know I am a sexualist without feminists who hate sex. In that sense, we are all needed and not a single grain in the universe is out of place.
If that sounds amoral then that’s because it is. Buddhism has no commandments, only a few guidelines that point out how to more easily reach enlightenment (i.e., don't lie, steal, exploit your passions or get high on drugs); but there is no hurry to get there as there is no such thing as saving your soul since your soul is the same as everyone else’s. Preaching is irrelevant because one can only preach to egos and they do not believe in egos. If you want to be Hitler for a thousand lifetimes, that’s okay and there is nothing fundamentally immoral about him either according to Buddhist philosophy. I have a hard time being so amoral myself, but I realize that if I had from the beginning ditched my morality then I would have been going with the flow and I would probably have been a normie with respect to career and socioeconomic status as well. When you don’t try to be a reformer or heretic, all that energy becomes available to you for other uses -- not to mention you are not persecuted -- so you can easily fit a role which flows with the stream. The normies who never think for themselves are always backed by the stream, so everything they do becomes that much easier. When you spend no energy hating, you even have more energy to hurt your enemies, and those who do not oppose the sex laws have more occasion to break them -- hence the proliferation of those the Antifeminist likes to call paedocrites.
As such, I chose stupidly. I am the heretic you can hate in an effortless collective way, with full institutional backing. And if that’s not enough, you can always set up a vigilante organization on top of the mainstream hysteria, like
https://nabovarselnorge.no/, and milk the normies some more to support yourself in the ultimate politically correct role.
That would be the apotheosis of going with the flow. Pedo hunters exploit the moral panic to the max. There is a sort of intelligence to that, though I suspect the most Zen way is to just let go and be the blank slate of the stereotypical normie, ready to be filled with whatever morality society throws at you. It emphatically does not matter if that is Nazism or feminism or whatever -- going with the stream means accepting everything with equal detachment because you are the stream. There is nothing to hang on to. Everything decays, including morality, plus it’s cyclical so we probably get back to a more humane morality soon enough anyway. Activism can’t take us there faster, because nobody ever changes their minds in response to persuasion. Hell, I didn’t even become a sexualist by persuasion; it feels like I organically grew into that role and now for example read people like Bruce Rind who scientifically proves CSA is a hoax because his were always my opinions. No matter how good the evidence, people practically never change their opinions
after seeing the evidence.
The normies believe sex is a demonic force which corrupts the young. They believe sexuality puts children in hell, even if they are enjoying it, particularly when they are exposed to a person who is more than a couple years older. They implicitly believe in a sexual soul (or perhaps “innocent” soul) which is silently corrupted by sexuality. This corruption is then believed to manifest as something like PTSD throughout the “CSA victims’” adult lives, and again the damage can be silent there too so that positive memories are false consciousness. Sexuality is believed to have an entire alternative universe where all of sexuality relating to minors is this demonic substance, “pedophilia,” that they need to hunt and exorcise except it can’t be exorcised so the Pedophile must forever be separated from society via incarceration and registration. This is a superstitious belief akin to demonic possession or animism whereby the physical and psychological phenomenon of sexuality is imbued with an extra, perfectly evil dimension. In short they believe in the metaphysical badness of sex. Sex is the new Satan for all the normies to believe in even if they are atheists.
And this is where we are now, but oh well, life isn’t serious anyway. Perhaps I realized this too late -- and I am still not completely sold on that idea which can be summed up in the
idiotic conundrum of whether consciousness is singular (in which case morality has no meaning) or plural (in which case one should have compassion with other souls). If you believe in nothing, you are the perfect candidate to go with the flow, which is what society is. I am the rare rebel who enables them to feel like they believe in something even though they believe in nothing.
